Video Addicts Hotline   

 

Get Windows Media Player

Current
HOTTEST
VIDEOS!

  1. SpiderBabe
  2. Dinosaur Valley Girls
  3. Dungeon of Desire
  4. Robotrix
  5. Playmate of the Apes
  6. Lord of the Strings
  7. Killer Klowns From Outer Space
  8. Hot Vampire Nights
  9. Erotic Witch Project
  10. Chosen One: Legend of the Raven
  11. Inn of 100 Sins
  12. Bobbie Jo and the Outlaw
  13. Scrapbook
  14. Erotic Survivor
  15. Vamps Deadly Dreamgirl
  16. Psycho Sisters
  17. Candy
  18. Midnight Madness
  19. In The Flesh
  20. Lethal Seduction

Video Addicts Hot-Line

Click Here for Other Reviews

Do Not Click Here - This Offer for Serious Video Addicts Only!

 

This issue we dig up half-a-dozen films for viewers in search of something other than the normal fare of commercially acceptable videos to watch in the privacy of your own home. To start things off we take a look at this work of an obsessive-compulsive director armed with a camcorder:

Eat More Carp Show     Hives     Japanarama! Vol. 1
Live Nude Shakespeare     Sex, Chocolate & Zombie Republicans
Tales Till the End

Hives

Every now and again, someone puts so much effort into a film that no matter how bad it is, you've got to take notice. I have seen all kinds of bad movies made with camcorders, but never have I seen such a masterpiece as delivered by writer/director Brian J. McLaughlin. He deserves some kind of award for obsessive-compulsive-aspiration armed with nothing more than a camcorder!

Hives (1997), McLaughlin's first work, is a tribute to schlock sci-fi masters of the '50s, and weighs-in at -- check this out -- a whopping two hours and 24 minutes! The entire out-of-pocket cost was about $2,500, and it was produced over a three-year-period. Now you get the picture?

McLaughlin turned himself loose in North Ridgeville, Ohio, where he schmoozed his way into City Hall, the Bureau of Land Management and Department of Transportation. He even enlisted members of North Ridgeville's finest to appear as extras in the film. This all adds the incredible impact: real police, authentic vehicles and locations amid cornfields as far as the eye can see.

Here's what to expect from the over-industrious home-video-maker:

The Earth is being invaded by cosmic crustaceans from Phlegmtemulous, a planet far beyond our solar system. This is their second attempt to take control of our world. Their first attempt was thwarted by accident, as we discovered that music by the then-groundbreaking Beatles was lethal to the alien beings. Their troops retreated and the invasion was covered up by government officials. Now that they are immune to Beatles music, they return with a vengeance. (The film also features "original" Beatles-esque tunes by Robert A. Mondak, Jr., which are highly reminiscent of The Monkees.)

Enter Agent Delta (Teri Drda, a discjockey for Greater Cleveland's WZLE) whose voluminous outfits -- black, tight and revealing, coupled with high-heels and titanium-lined arm length gloves -- make you wonder how she kept her top on throughout the entire film. Armed with an endless arsenal of handguns and wicked martial arts skills, she enlists the aide of recently retired renegade private investigator Ace Diamond (Duane Winters) to uncover the invasion plot and save the world.

The cosmic crustaceans assimilate humans by attaching themselves to their head, taking over the brain and nervous system of the host, while secluding themselves under bright blond beehive hairdos, which are quickly becoming the new unisex rage in North Ridgeville. The alien creatures are armed with laser guns of strengths varying from suspended-animation-freeze to deadly -annihilation.

Meanwhile, Mayor Bummelhauser (Dick Mendenhall) is preparing for the Annual Corn Fest, with this year's special guests including the pope as well as heads of state and foreign governments. Even the president of the United States (Jim McDonald) will be in attendance, therby making North Ridgeville the perfect place to begin a planet-wide takeover.

The U.S. government launches Agents Orange (Jeff Brown) and Sammy (Jim Hunter) to find and permanently silence Dr. Deadulous Gruedder (George MacDonald), the head of the counter-attack on the first Phlegmtemulous invasion. The doctor, who has since fallen into obscurity as a lunatic, is first recruited by Delta and Ace, however and the trio must fight to overcome "the glory of Phlegm" and government corruption.

Deadulous has a score to settle with the invasion's leader -- the evil, cigar-smoking and Earth-bimbo-indulging Commander Zorgon (also played by Winters) -- who, during the first invasion, was responsible for the death of Deadalus's one true love.

Will the unlikely heroes be able to find a chemical mixture powerful enough to destroy the alien invaders, who are a cross between crab-looking hand puppets and Star Trek Tribbles? Will the Doctor be able to avenge Lizbeth's death? Can Delta shoot attack missiles out of the sky with twin .45s?

Hives has poorly shot fight scenes aplenty (c'mon now, these are the hardest scenes to shoot and edit) and special effects that had me saying, "Eh, not bad." The audio is tight, and this flick is otherwise a good example of how to shoot a good video.

You may never have another opportunity to see the lengths that someone like McLaughlin will go through to achieve his dream of seeing his own script come to life with the cooperation of an entire city and a cast in the hundreds, not to mention Drda, who otherwise wouldn't be caught dead in these outlandish outfits.

The biggest problem with the film, however, is two hours and 24 minutes is just too long. It's not enough to say, "Hey, it's an hour shorter than Titanic!" Based on the sheer length of the video, it's going to loose a potentially larger audience. Trimmed to 90 minutes with clever editing, Hives could have blockbuster appeal.

If you've been sitting on a screenplay idea and have been thinking about making your own video release, you must see this film first. It will inspire you, give you lots of ideas and maybe even make you the Roger Corman of home video. Either that, or it will make you say, "Aw, forget it. It's too much work."

So wrap your 20 bucks up in an envelope and address it to: Brian McLaughlin, 37626 Melton Ave., Palmdale, CA 93550 and tell 'em Dave sent ya. (OK, they accept checks and money orders too.)

Have you seen this movie? Tell us what you thought and share with other Video Addicts, or send an e-mail to thoughts@videoaddicts.com with the film's title in the SUBJECT line.



Tales Till the End

Each telling a story within a larger wrap-around story, Ben Stanski, Barry Gaines and Phil Herman offer an anthology of homemade video terror in Tales Till the End (1996).

Three high-school cronies reunite for their annual outing in the wilderness, where they share personal stories and reflect on their lives during the last year. On their way to the camping retreat on Ragged Mountain, their trip is interrupted by a radio emergency broadcast declaring a "state of emergency."

A secret, deadly gas has been released into the air, the broadcast says, " . . . when exposed to the gas, you are turned into a mindless, violent, cannabalistic lunatic. The project is known as Project Meanie."

With two weeks of provisions the buddies seek refuge in an abandoned bomb shelter, Where Damion (Gaines) spins his first yarn of terror:

A homeboy is killed in the 'hood. Damion and his friend "P" (Patrice Johnson) go to the scene of the killing to "check it out." While looking for who-knows-what, Damion pricks his finger on a knife (the murder weapon) and takes a liking to it.

Returning home, Damion checks in, gets possessed by the knife while on the toilet, then goes mad and kills his roommate (Nadine Bly) by slicing her to bits.

The knife takes him on a murderous rampage, which includes lengthy, poorly edited fight scenes, complete with phony Hong Kong-cinema kung fu sound effects.

Parker (Herman) is a down-and-out screen-writer wannabe, who's about to be evicted when he gets a call from Roy (John Kortz), a distributor who is interested in his screenplay, Burglar From Hell. The catch? Parker has to self-finance, shoot, direct the film and deliver the finished product to the distributor in two months.

Parker grabs his camcorder and assembles his cast, who include Nancy Feliciano (playing herself), who can't act but gets the part after tearing open her blouse during an audition.

We also see cameo appearances by Kevin Lindenmuth (Creaturealm From the Dead, 1998), Joel Wynkoop (Alien Agenda: Endangered Species, 1997) and Ron Stanger (publisher of Independent Video Magazine).

Parker completes his video feature for a mere $40,000 and delivers the end-product including packaging to the distributor. Roy declares it a "waste of time" and rejects it. Now, Parker must teach him how different people react to rejection.

Then, John (Ben Stanski) tells his story of "getting even." Jim (Joe Scalici) is his best friend, but John is secretly in love with Jim's wife, Jessie (Debbie D, Play Dead Inc., 1998), who treats him like dirt. Jim is gone all the time working his ass off so he and Jessie can retire early and enjoy the good life. For two years Jim has entrusted John to care for Jessie: driving her around and keeping her from having too much idle time. All the while, John has been falling a little more in love with her every day. Jessie, on the other hand, is repulsed by him.

John finds himself helping Jessie cover up her out-of-control infidelity and insatiable sexual desire for anyone but him or her husband. Jim think's it's odd that, when the phone rings and he answers it, "Hello," the caller often hangs up.

After Jim listens-in on a conversation with Jessie and one of her lovers, he embarks on a plan to show her who's boss. She awakens from unconsciousness to find herself tied to a chair with her left arm strapped to a cutting board. Jim tells her that, everytime the phone rings and no one is there, he'll cut off a finger and when the fingers are gone, he will move to the toes.

The phone rings; no one answers, and a finger is cut off. John charges in to save the day and KOs Jim. Now, he and Jessie can run away and be together, but she only rejects him. Then John executes his plan to get even.

Debbie D steals the show in this video. She can act, she looks great with or without clothes (we see her mostly without) and is a natural in front of the camera. It's no surprise that this video was helpful in launching a video career for her, and she has become somewhat of a celebrity with her own fan club.

So, if you're a budding actress and some guy with a cheesy video camera asks you to make a movie, you might want to think twice . . . it worked for Debbie.

OK, back to the bomb shelter: Damion and John turn into flesh-eating zombies. For some unknown reason, Parker is immune to the deadly gas. Could Parker be the only normal human survivor on the planet? Is it really . . . the end?

See Debbie D's screen test by ordering your own copy of Tales Till the End, destined to be a classic cult film, from Falcon Video, P.O. Box 940312, Rockaway Park, NY 11694, for $25, postage paid. Want to join Debbie D's fan club? Send a self-addressed, stamped envelope to: Debbie D National Fan Club, 1657 The Fairway, Jenkintown, PA 19046.

Have you seen this movie? Tell us what you thought and share with other Video Addicts, or send an e-mail to thoughts@videoaddicts.com with the film's title in the SUBJECT line.



Sex, Chocolate & Zombie Republicans

From the mind of writer/director Kirk Bowman (Cybersex Kittens, 1995) comes a twisted comedic tale that has haunted me ever since I first watched it.

This is one of those videos that works on you for awhile and steeps into your brain. I admit that, the first time I watched it, after about 20 minutes I set it aside to finish watching it later. Unbeknownst to me, I had already fallen under its spell.

Scenes I had not paid much attention to began to fire strange synapses in my cerebellum, and I'd begin to smile and laugh. This went on for days. I fought the urge until I could no longer, and I put it in to watch it in its entirety.

Sex, Chocolate & Zombie Republicans (1998) stars newcomer Jenna Faustino as Jessica, a 20-ish-year-old woman who has received a chain letter that urges her to make 20 copies of it, or else something terrible will happen.

Jessica sends copies to her friends and family, including her roommates: Rayna (Elyse Ashton), who is in love with her kind, sensitive boyfriend but is disappointed that he falls asleep instantly after sex; Ginger (Andrea Gillie Kemp), a beautiful, blond sloth who finds it difficult to help with household chores; Nicole (Denise Reiser), a fashion model who thinks Frog (Mark Darcourt), the nerdy handyman, is the most repulsive being on the planet; Lindsey (Elena St. John), a feminist; and Darlene (Debbie Dodds), another model, who believes in a healthy, wholesome diet. The six roommates all disregard the letter as rediculous -- thereby breaking the chain.

Jessica's parents, new-age tree-huggers who belong to the Church of Unity and Brotherhood (a nature church without walls), also toss out the chain letter as junk mail.

A frantic call from Jessica's teenage sister, Cindy (Linda Etoh Pine), reveals something terrible: Their parents have taken on the appearance of the living dead and are spewing Reagan-esque quotes about the importance of family values. Have they become animated-flesh creatures? No, worse: zombie Republicans!

As the chain breaks, all the adults begin to turn into Republicans while Jessica's roommates experience a personality shift and become their own worst nightmares:

Rayna puts any man into a narcoleptic sleep if she comes within a few feet of them. Ginger becomes an obsessive clean-freak and in her shower scene scrubs her skin raw with a brush (for three hours). Nicole becomes a nerd magnet, while Lindsey turns into a belching, farting, beer-drinking couch potato, and Darlene goes on a chocolate-eating binge and breaks out in massive pimples while her sex-crazed boyfriend, Kevin (Ted Leavengood), becomes a sniveling, PMS-ing wreck.

Cindy's parents won't let her play the lead in "The Princess and the Pornographic Dragon" play. They hold a "family values picnic" and barbeque classic books, claiming they are pornographic and corrupting their children. Cindy can visit with her boyfriend provided she wear a full suit of armor to protect her from unbridled, reckless, teenage desires.

You get the idea -- the whole world's gone mad. If this is not stopped, soon everyone will be hypnotic, robot-like zombie Republicans, and it will all be Jessica's fault. Is it possible that, with a little help from an eccentric old man and his magic biscuit recipe, they might be able to save the world from Republican rule?

Don't miss the exciting Night of the Living Dead (1968)-inspired climax, followed by a surprise ending that even caught me off-guard.

The film has an excellent, large cast. Everyone played for and shot the cameras wonderfully. My marketing tip: Add a Republican-inspired WARNING label: "Do Not Buy or Rent This Film, as it Contains Nudity and sexual Situations and May Not Be Appropriate for Some Viewers." All the pervs'll buy it . . . and they'll like it.

Remember: Once seen, one-liners and situations from this film will pop into your head and give you a giggle for months (if not years) to come. It's a slow-cooker, but not one to be missed.

Order your copy today. You'll be glad you did the day after you've seen it...

Have you seen this movie? Tell us what you thought and share with other Video Addicts, or send an e-mail to thoughts@videoaddicts.com with the film's title in the SUBJECT line.



Live Nude Shakespeare

Directo/producer Michael D. Fox and friends present pure and simple sexploitation in this 1997 film. But what else would you expect from a title like Live Nude Shakespeare? True to name, the women in this film are live and nude, and they jiggle any gyrate to Shakespeare.

Technically, this film is clean and crisp. Commercially, however, it has a limited audience. Here's the bare facts: An independent film has a better shot at getting national attention if it features nudity, BUT it must have somethng more. More nudity does not mean it has a better chance. On the other hand, if any of the dancers featured continue careers in acting and appearing in films, this could become a classic staple for fans and collectors who are always in search of footage of their favorite stars -- butt-baked.

Emerson Bigguns (Mike Dennis) introduces Live Nude Shakespeare, a live performance in a theater where erotic dancers remove all their clothes to moder strip-music while excerpts of Shakespeare's works are read by another stripper stage left.

Interspersed within the strip shows are interviews with attendees to opening night's performance, like Tex Birmingham (Paul Morris) who just came to see the naked women as an alternative to hanging out at the strip clubs.

His interview with Lionel Backslide (co-producer David A. Levy) , who is responsible for the presentation's concept and delivery, basically represents the premise that Shakespeare had actually indended his works to he read by "beautiful young women in progressive stages of undress."

There is a humorous interview with the stage manager (Dave Evans, co-director), where he gives us a brief description of some of his "tools of the trade."

He also gets candid, backstage interviews with the performers allowing us a more enlightening peek into what makes Shakespearean strippers tick.

The flesh fest features Lorissa McComas (Vamps: Deadly Dreamgirls, 1996), Amy Ballard and Cari Minster (earlier teamed up in Evil Ambitions, 1996) as well as Sydney in her screen debut playing duel roles.

Courtney enlists the aide of Wade (Tony Samuel) a private investigator to help save Allison from further degradation.

Fans of erotic dancers can get a copy of Live Nude Shakespeare to call their very own by clicking here.

Have you seen this movie? Tell us what you thought and share with other Video Addicts, or send an e-mail to thoughts@videoaddicts.com with the film's title in the SUBJECT line.



Japanarama! Vol 1

The IMPLOSION craze is sweeping the globe. Japan-based Video International presents for your viewing pleasure a bizarre and eccentric collection of clips from Japanese broadcast TV.

In this strangeoid compilation, Rick Humbert treats us to a variety of Japanese television concepts you won't find in the United States. Thanks to him, we can experience Japanese culture and its relationship to the cathode ray tube.

Forget that the players, are for the most part, unidentified and non-English-speaking (they also scream and yell a lot). This is two hours on unleashed weirdness, including some mind-boggling game shows that American TV programmers should look at.

Imagine a game show in which the contestants are paired in teams of two; one person is placed atop a slide, and with every wrong answer, the slide's angle increases. Where's the other contestant? Strapped down to a human-rocket launcher, of course.

Enough wrong answers and gravity takes over. The contestant slides down the slide and lands on a giant button that launches their partner into the sky with fireworks attached to their feet. As an added bonus, the launched contestant's clothes are ripped off in the launching process.

(How come we don't have a show like that?)

How 'bout wearing a basket atop your head that exposes the top of your head. Then various live creatures are placed in the basket. The object of the game is to be the first to identify what is crawling around on your head. Is it a snake, tarantula, scorpion or porcupine? Maybe a worm, centipede or turtle?

(No way I'm playin' that one.)

People want to get on TV to promote their products, right? So, you have two choices: Pay a ton of money or, if you don't have the cash, change into a bikini and see how long you can sit in a tub of scalding hot water. The number of seconds determines how long you can brag about your product on the show. (I really like that one.)

You'll also savor Japanese versions of The Gong Show and Candid Camera (where they sneak in on and scare the crap out of Japanese families, sleeping in what they mistook to be the security of their own homes).

See a firecracker lit in someone's bum, jiggling Asian breasts, transvestites applying lipstick while on a roller coaster, marshal-arts monsters in rubber suits, ninja cheerleaders and professional wrestlers beating the tar out of little Asian folks and throwing them into foot-deep beds of honey.

This tape is chock full o' TV music performances, Japanese commercials (including one for a video store that specializes in "rape and animal videos" and some that feature recognizable personalities, including Mike Piazza, Mel Gibson, Quentin Tarantino, Michael J. Fox, Leonardo deCaprio, Madonna and Janet Jackson).

Japanarama! -- Psycho TV from Japan is highly recommended if you're in search for something off the beaten path and is available for $20 plus $5 for airmail postage to: Video International, West Hi 201, 65 Hider-cho, Saiin, Ukyo-ky, Kyoto 615-0065, JAPAN

Have you seen this movie? Tell us what you thought and share with other Video Addicts, or send an e-mail to thoughts@videoaddicts.com with the film's title in the SUBJECT line.



The Eat More Carp Show

Ever get annoyed by those public access stations as you're channel surfing? Now in a noteworthy effort to compile the best of the worst of Ohio public access trash is Andy Valeri and Big Beef Productions (which also brought us Klark Kent: UFO Expert).

Let's say we gave some video equipment and an 8mm silent moving picture camera to a group of shy, eccentric college dorm buddies (who have lots of spare time) and told them that they could have their own TV show -- providing they could come up with an hour of program material each week . . . the result would likely be something like The Eat More Carp Show.

Although it is much more complex and intricate than that, it's the general "feeling" one gets from viewing the show.

"Admiral Ackbar" (an anonymous 20-ish male) is the show's host and secures his anonymity by wearing a latex mask fashioned after the Star Wars character. Although this is probably effective in keeping people from recognizing him on the street, viewers can rarely understand anything spoken, thereby rendering 20 percent of the show indiscernable to normal human ears.

The how does, however have some redeeming qualities. Case in point are several works offered by the Big Beef crew, a varied and cooperative effort supplied by Steve Bognar, Bryan Herdlick, Dave Mezera and Andy Valeri. Where else can you see shorts like, "The Adventures of Esther Slorb," a homemade film featuring a plethora of syncopated human robotic movements put to silly music?

How about, "Apronman Meets the Star Patrol from Planet X," where three space aliens crash-land on Earth and wreak havok on stupid humans, destroy whole cities (in an animated sequence) and only one man can stop them . . . a wimpish super-hero-wannabe wearing an apron. More silliness. Don't miss the Dragnet/Naked City-inspired "Drag Queen," or the bunch of comedic public service announcements.

Take shorts offered by viewers, clips from music performances from the '60s, some recent music by Cage and The Electric Ferrets, some stock newsreel footage and extras who also wear masks, then throw it all in the editing blender and set to puree.

The result: The Monkees without a budget!

Imagine a full two hours of stuff you are guaranteed unlikely to find anywhere else in the universe, all for $8 from: Big Beef Productions, P.O. Box 303 WBB, Dayton, OH 45409.

Have you seen this movie? Tell us what you thought and share with other Video Addicts, or send an e-mail to thoughts@videoaddicts.com with the film's title in the SUBJECT line.


View Previous Column


Dave Lewis, a non-recovering videophiliac, is constantly on the lookout for strange and unusual videos. If you have an independent film (with or without good production values) or know of a rare or unique film that may be good for review, please write:
Dave Video Addict, P.O. Box 1753, Aberdeen, WA 98520. Or, e-mail Dave at webmanabc@hotmail.com.
This review was featured in Implosion Magazine Issue number 10. You can obtain a print copy from the publishers for $5, payable to: Implosion Publishing, 777 Twenty-Eighth Street, Orlando, FL 32805

Go to Dave's Video Addict's Hot-Line

VIDEO ADDICTS HOTLINE www.videoaddicts.com
 

Email Video Additcs Hot-Line
Video Addicts Hot-Line is © 1994-2007 David Masters. All rights reserved.

Top Of Page